It's been a long year this weekend

 Ok, so let me first say that I am really, really tired. This weekend was hard. Jake and the kids took a mini cruise excursion, and they had a grand old time. Nick was my caregiver, so we stayed behind. And wouldn't you know that I lost a huge amount of my motor skills and independence while they were gone? Yep. Exciting, right?
I hate being dependent on other people. Even being a stay at home mom chaffs. But it is what it is. We work with what we've got. "Bloom where you're planted", you know?
Well, I definitely have to do that. I just wish it wasn't so damned painful and humiliating!

I already lost my ability to get into bed by myself, from about the time that I got the hospital bed. At first, I only needed help lifting my legs onto the bed. But now, I need that first, followed by manual arranging of my limbs to get them in a position that is comfy and doesn't cut off circulation. Just an inch to the right or left, and I lose all sensation outside of aching pain. It's frustrating and tiresome. And then...this weekend past? The pain to maneuver my legs and hips into position on the bed became 12/10. hell, maybe a 20. I scream, and I cry. I worry that the neighbors will report a domestic disturbance! 🤦 

To add insult to injury, I can"t put myself on and off the toilet. It is entirely too painful. Nick  or Jake has to lower me or lift me, and shuffle me to or from the edge of the counter, where I can grab on and hold myself up. Since neither of them is a trained nurse/cna, neither of them really knows the techniques to do that without hurting themselves, so I worry.  And the icing on this shit filled cake is that I now have diarrhea. So now I feel like a potty learning toddler shouting "I gotta go pooooop" every 20 min or so.

Fortunately, Jake is home and Nick is no longer the sole caregiver. What 28 yr old man wants to help his mother with toileting and changing her undies?? Fortunately, he's been a champ and never once complained. I'm incredibly grateful, but at the same time I'm glad that Jake is home to take that job over again!